Paul’s Self-Denial

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; That your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again” (Philip. 1:21-26). The apostle Paul was at the time of this writing a prisoner in Rome, facing the likelihood of execution. The epistle to the Philippians was written during the time in which the book of Acts ends, with the first of his two imprisonments in Rome. He spoke of this first imprisonment in his final letter, which was II Timothy: “At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion” (II Tim. 4:16,17). As he told the Philippians; he was given a choice by God whether to live or to die. And as he also told them, his choice was to live, which was what was best for them. This is what he told Timothy, that the Lord “delivered [him] out of the mouth of the Lion;” which was to say he was set at liberty whereas he could have been executed. But the point I want to make here is this: The apostle Paul had to deny himself of what he preferred to do, in order to stay alive. In other words he really wanted to die and be with the Lord, but he chose to stay here because that was what was best for the congregations that he had established. He knew that when he went to the grave he would be taking a ton of God’s love, and power, and wisdom with him; and he instead chose to stay and impart those things to the people he loved so much. He also knew that this choice included much more labor, toil, and persecution; which he was willing to incur for the sake of what he could yet give to God’s people.

This choice to remain alive when he truly desired to “depart and be with Christ,” was a graphic demonstration of the most extreme example of the admonition of Jesus, who said; “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Mat. 16:25). Sound confusing? The point is that Paul had already “lost his life” for the sake of Jesus a long time before this circumstance, and at this point “losing his life” for the Lord meant staying alive. His life was totally given to the things that are beyond this life in the heavenly realm, and to go to those things would have been much easier and more preferable to him than continuing in this life. The only reason he chose to stay here was for the divine love of those who needed what he had to give. So staying alive was in effect “losing his life,” and that was altogether for the Gospel’s sake. Until we are seeing things that way in our own lives, in reality and truth, we still have a ways to go in Christ. It is also certain that the apostle Paul was not the last person to experience something like this, or to be motivated in the exact same way. If your life has been fully given over to Jesus for a good while, and you know that you have much to impart to hungry and needy souls; it makes for a difficult decision on whether you would rather leave this world or stay. I believe it comes down to knowing whether or not there are souls who realize what you have to offer, and whether they want it or not. It is beyond tragic that this great apostle, when he did finally depart this life, did so with the knowledge that many whom he had previously chosen to stay here for ended up forsaking him and the great things he had imparted to them from God. This he made known to Timothy in his last epistle: “This thou knowest, that all they which are in Asia be turned away from me” (II Tim. 1:15). May God forever bless this great, great servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. He will undoubtedly have one of the highest rewards given in the world to come. I hope I have the opportunity to one day meet him. Amen.